The two families met in grief.
One lost their father. One lost their 12-year-old son.
Both buried their loved ones at Marlboro Muslim Memorial Cemetery in Marlboro.
Rabbani Jabbar died on May 17 when his heart stopped during a surgery and he was buried the next day, his family said. He was 81 years old.
On the same day, Sohaila Azhar and Azhar Ibqal buried their son Zayan, who died after suffering complications from a bone marrow transplant, in a plot one space away from Jabbar.
Now both families allege the cemetery has changed the sizes of the graves, and dozens of others, by burying people too close together.
They said they purchased plots that were supposed to be 3 feet wide and 6 feet long.
But, the families allege, when cemetery workers would open a grave next to an existing grave, they infringed on the borders, which in some cases were outlined by fencing or stones placed by families. Workers would bury the next person too close to the existing grave, they said, leaving no room to walk between the graves.
When the grave next to Rabbani Jabbar was opened, his family said, they could see the side of their loved one’s coffin.
“I could see my husband’s box,” said Tahira Jabbar, who visits the cemetery every day to pray. “They said they would fix it. Now my husband’s space is small. It’s only 27 or 28 inches. It’s supposed to be a 36-inch width. This is disrespect.”
The two families’ burial spaces were not the only ones affected. “Row BB” holds about 100 burial spaces, with about 90 of them occupied. The entire row is uneven and the graves have varying widths.
“I saw when they were preparing another grave they didn’t use any measuring tape. They just measured with their feet,” Azhar Ibqal said.
Showing a reporter the cemetery, the families walked carefully so that they would not step on the disturbed graves.
“I don’t want to stand here and disrespect anyone,” said Ihasan Rabbani, the son of Rabbani Jabbar, as he bent over a grave with a measuring tape to support his allegations. “Someone’s feet are probably under here.”
That’s the other problem, the families say.
Some of the graves lost their length — which is supposed to be 6 feet — when the cemetery tried to add a stone walkway at the foot of the row of graves, the families said. Workers using shovels and a forklift took as much as two feet or more of dirt away from the base of the graves where a deceased person’s legs and feet would be, they said.
“According to Islam, this is one of the highest forms of disrespect for Muslims who have passed away to desecrate and dishonor a grave,” said Miraj Jabbar, the daughter of Rabbani Jabbar. “The graves were desecrated, disrespected, disintegrated and damaged. Families were not notified. No notice was put up.”
They also allege workers tried to make it look as if the grave sizes were unchanged after the dirt was removed from the foot of the graves.
“They took the mud from the foot of the grave and they were throwing it at the head side so they could shift it and make it look like the grave was the same size, but the body is still under the area where there would be a walkway,” Sohaila Azhar said. “I was in shock. A forklift cut my son’s grave in half.”
Some of the graves only measured 4 feet long after the dirt was moved.
In addition to cutting off the bottom of the graves, the families said, workers moved the stones and fencing that families used as borders for the graves. They were put on top of the burial mounds, they said.
Also, they said, they never received any ownership papers for the plots, nor did they get any written description of the size and location of the graves, or any written information about the cemetery’s rules.
The families said they contacted the cemetery’s owner, Kahil Mitwally, and the owner’s son, Amir Mitwally. They promised to change the placement of the path and to return the dirt to where it was before, the families said.
The process started this week, witnessed by a reporter who saw a forklift moving dirt and a worker using a shovel. One could see the dirt was freshly moved because it was a different shade than the dirt on the burial mounds.
But on Tuesday, there were scores of graves that hadn’t yet been restored.
Owner Kahil Mitwally said moving dirt from the foot of the graves to create the walkway was a mistake.
“In our religion, no one is supposed to step on graves. The walkway was extra to accommodate them at our expense,” he said. “By mistake the guys who were doing the work, they took one-and-a-half feet from the graves.”
He said he doesn’t usually have direct contact with families because he sells plots in large batches to mosques and funeral homes, who he said are responsible for distributing the paperwork. He added that the information can be found on the cemetery’s website, which he said is currently “under development.”
Mitwally said the cemetery only gives rules when families ask.
“Our rules are we don’t touch the grave,” he said. “It belongs to you.”
Asked later to provide the website address, Mitwally said in a text, “It’s fixed. I’ll send you all the info.” But no further information was received, and Mitwally didn’t respond to a subsequent text requesting a copy of the cemetery regulations.
Mitwally said plot sizes are based on the coffin sizes, which are 2 feet by 6 feet, he said, “and we dig 3 by 7 because we leave some room.”
He didn’t explain why the fence and stone pieces were put on the graves when the dirt was moved, but he said items like these are an ongoing issue at the cemetery.
“We tell them all the time no borders or fences. It makes it harder for us to clean. No one listens. It’s like more work for us,” Mitwally said.
Families can only put a flat marker that’s no larger than 18 by 24 inches on the grave, he said.
He said the cemetery will continue to “fix the mistake” at the site of the disturbed graves.
The families are not satisfied. They said they believe they deserve an apology, for starters, and then they want the cemetery to send an explanation letter to all the families whose loved ones are buried there, noting they believe most families aren’t aware of what happened because they live out-of-state and don’t visit every day.
“They should send an apology letter to each and every family,” Sohaila Azhar said. “They’re starting to fix this because they know we’re not going to sit down, we’re not going to shut up and let it go.”
Ihasan Rabbani doesn’t want to wait for families to be notified, so he said he will reach out to the funeral homes and mosques that are listed on the temporary headstone markers at the cemetery. He said he’s going to ask them to tell the other families what happened.
Both families have filed complaints with the Division of Consumer Affairs, but they’re concerned the Cemetery Board won’t take on their cases because the board doesn’t usually regulate religious cemeteries. If the board doesn’t review the case, though, the complaints would move to the Office of Consumer Protection, the state said.
They also filed two police reports.
“This is not right, what they did to the graves,” Sohaila Azhar said. “These are not only graves. These are our emotions and our feelings.”
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NJ Advance Media Research Editor Vinessa Erminio contributed to this report.
Karin Price Mueller may be reached at KPriceMueller@NJAdvanceMedia.com.
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